My christmas...

...has been rather interesting. Truth to be told, christmas eve was more fun than christmas. Reached the church late, around 6 or so, but still late, luckily they hadn't started prayer yet, or I would have to barge in. Met Xiao Ran, Aaron and the gang at Solomon Hall, gave the ungrateful wretch his present, yelled at him for a while, then felt better. :D I'm a bad no-mannered girl. Even mummy says so.

8.00pm
Yu kit came. his mum really scares me sometimes. All the time, in fact. Ditched him for Navian to entertain then went ushering. Got scolded by Xiao Ran because of that. Then Tiong Chin came, he cut his hair FREAKING FUNNY. Like he's been to National Service or smoething.

9.30pm
Yay! Show started! Opening dancing, sermons, the average crap. Navian went to block the maindoor or something to prevent something, dunno what. Me and Xiao were busy with the choir, so basically we just ditched tiong chin and yu kit. What bad hosts. Halfway through the service, Mike, our youth pastor suddenly came up, asking us to clean up Solomon Hall. Geez, arrange this that everything, chairs, tables. Came back for the christmas service, watched from upstairs's nursery window.

11.55pm
COUNTDOWN!!! Whee...that was the best part, the cheering was freaking loud. There must have been hundreds of balloons floating down. Got quite a few popped in my face too, very fun, not fun. Can't make up my mind. Then photo taking. Very funny. Dunno how to explain. Cleaned up, dumped rubbish with Nav and Tiong Chin. Kelvin was there too! Chatted for a while. Then byebye.

1.00.....AM
Go home, sleep, uh, not really. Talked non-stop with Xiao, slept at 5.00am. Woke up the next day, oh, its Christmas....

One big familiy

Everyday I keep getting new relatives! I'm so happy!

Twin sister - Pauline
Secret twin - Christie
Two older/big brothers - Navian, Kelvin
An older sister! - Crystal

And I even have a godson!! Yay for me! Joseph Ang!! Wheee... I teach him really bad stuff, such as learning how to swear, staying up till late at night. I'm such a bad godmummy :P

But all this happiness doesn't really matter. Not when my friends are feeling down...such as one of them are right now. It gets me down too.

And that's why there are quotes such as - through thick and thin. Ups and downs. Your average Jedi-crap.

And don't know why, for some reason I'm actually feeling emotional now. Jesus. Help.

Countdown has begun.

Alright people! In roughly 12 hours... I'll be at Leisure Mall tomorrow, performing a few hours after arrival. Wish me luck yeahh!

Had roughly 6 band practices only, I'm feeling absolutely scared. Well, ANYONE would...considering they have one cocky guitarist, one inconfident guitarist, another quiet guitarist, one i-don't-give-a-damn-about-you drummer...

...and one scared-to-death-wits-praying-like-mad-till-she's-ready-to-scream-out-loud-and-turn-blue-sick singer/keyboardist. That would be me. The little KID (as SOMEONE keeps calling me) who's so scared that she's turning blue. In the face.

An inexperience band.

Awww come on! I really want to win! I NEED to win! But the chances are oh-so slim... especially with Pauline (awesome-greatest-bestest-singer-when-she's-in-the-mood) rivaling me!

Must win.

Must win.

Can't win.

*sobs*

Can't believe I'm tagged again

STOOOPIZ STOOOPIZ TAG!

Rules
1. Do this tag and answer all questions in your blog.
2. Delete question 20 and add your own question instead.
3. Tag 8 victims.

Questions

1. What was your one dream when you were still a kid?
Grow up fast and be a great singer

2. What is the happiest thing in your whole life?
Love. Not romance, just love. You know, love for God, life, family, friends...etc..

3. What do you wish to have right now?
A red acoustic guitar.

4. When is the last time you horselaughed?
During band practice. They're all so funny.

5. What did you realise recently?
I'm not as good as I think I am at singing.

6. Which bad habit do you have that is most unacceptable?
My arrogance.

7. When you are unhappy, what will you do?
Confide in someone.

8. What are you afraid of losing?
Confidence. And someone made me lose it today.

9. Within five years, which target is the most realism one?
Publish at least one book.

10. When you meet someone you like, will you profess or hide your feelings?
Depends on who that person is.

11. List out 3 kind of people you hate the most.
People who have fake modesty, think they own the world and selfish.

12. Define loneliness.
Without anyone who cares. Without anyone to confide in.

13. Are you satisfied with your life now? do you think any changes should be made?
If you had asked me this question a year ago, I would have pages and pages of things to change... but now, suppose God has changed my point of view? I'm happy with my life

14. When is the most recent time you felt touched?
Not long ago. Ain't telling you what happened :P

15. Where is the most beautiful place you've visited?
A place in my room. Its called Internet. To be precise, MSN Messenger :P

16. A song playing in your mind recently.
Going Nowhere Anyway - written by me?

17. If you have a wish come true, what would it be?
Serve His will.

18. Do you have anything to be worried or scared about lately?
Yes, my 9th December competition. But friends are coming to cheer for me, so I don't feel that bad. And I have faith in God. *wink* Even, though my drummer keeps telling me I'll lose. Stupid fella'

19. If tbe world is ending, what would you do?
Buy a one way ticket to the world next door. Maybe Venus would do. The weather's hot there. I love summer.

20. Hmm, my own question indeed. What keeps you moving on when you feel like you can't carry on in life?
The quote - You choose your fate.

And now I tag

1. Navian
2. Xiaoran
3. Yu Kit
4. Nishanth
5. Sin Mun
6. Peter
7. Ish...whoever
8. I don't know anyone who hasn't been tagged!

NTV7

Watch myself perform on TV yesterday with Pauline. NTV7, 10.30pm, November 30th. Telling ya'll a bit too late, eh?

I WAS HORRIBLE.

Never knew I sing so bad. Everyone commented.

Bad remarks.

1. Pauline said I looked too serious.
2. Sin Mun said I looked scary.
3. My parents said I sang lousy.
4. Benjamin said I looked like Satan. He commented the most. *sobs* I don't look like Satan!

Praise.

1. Sin Mun said I looked pretty.
2. Pauline said I sang the vocalising ok. (Hehe, I know that's a lie. I was so out)
3. Navian said he respects me from now on. (MWAHAHA)

Personally, I thought overall we did ok...and other than going slightly off, Pau sang awesome.

Sigh, this reminds me of 9th December...which is slowly approaching. I wonder if the band's prepared to perform well...

I AM SO MAD AT MY FREAKING LIFE

I'M IN 2 KERUING!!! This sucks, dude. All of my friends are practically in 2 Meranti. This sucks so bloody bad!!! I want to go back to Form 1!! You can't imagine how sad I was when the stupid teacher was assigning names to their classes. *sobs out loud*

~Pauline - I think we were both near tears when we realised next year we're gonna be separated

~Sin Mun - She didn't really seemed to care but I'm sure gonna miss her like mad

~Sara - Making her laugh has always been my mission... I don't know how to survive next year without her snotty remarks.

~Sanjiyven and Peter - The class clowns...its them who really brightens up our dreary day

~Navian - He's just so fun sometimes!! Now we're in different classes. HAIH.

~Jeff and Koon Thong - Don't really talk to them, but teasing them is REALLY fun. You should try it :P

~Yu Kit - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Need I say anymore?

Yeah yeah.. I know, you guys are probably thinking why I'm making it sound like I'm leaving Malaysia or something. You all are probably thinking to yourself, "There's still recess time! Different classes doesn't mean the friendship falls apart." But you see... for me, its always been hard to maintain friendship once we're in different classes. I don't want to to happen. Haih. But life's goes on.

Retarded competition!

Alright, alright.. I'll admit it. The competition isn't retarded... its just that I felt like using the word "retarded".

Haih, the dumb competition (NO THE COMPETITION IS NOT DUMB... i just felt like calling it dumb, that's all) draws nearer... oh the pressure for me. Somehow or rather, by luck (or fate) EVERYONE'S schedules seemed to clash.. just can't get in time for band practice. (Did i mention the competition's a short time away?) And then when we finally fixed a day, our pro guitarist didn't turn up. And our other guitarist didn't know how to play. So it basically ended up me on the lousy-good-for-nothing-with-no-pedal keyboard and our dear drummer... the music we made sounded lousy.

And then there's today. Woke up at 7.58am. Two minutes before Pauline was suppose to arrive at my house. At 8.00 she came, just as I was done washing up and stuff then we started figuring out chords and stuff for Silent Night and Jingle Bells. Kinda sucked, seeing we were given two days to create dumb accompaniments and having to lead dumb kids singing dumb christmas carols.

Three cheers for Pauline and I anyway! We managed to roughly figure out stuff in roughly under 2 hours! Then after she left, I HAD to accidently let my dad hear me grumble about stupid performances..and of course he had to give me this dumb lecture on how we should do things willingly. Wasted 1 1/2 hours of my life on the dumb lecture. Then church came (yay!) and well, yay.. it was fun...hanging out with God is always fun ...

Then afternoon, band practice again... without the drummer this time, just me and our two PROFFESSIONAL guitarists. Sounded pretty okay...but neither wanted to back me up in singing. One didn't because she couldn't, the other one .. didn't want to. No idea why. Too shy maybe? And then there was a nice surprise.. hehe, we had a solo audience though he didn't say much. Practice dragged on right till evening ... 7 pm. I bet you we managed to bore the hell out of our single audience.

And then night time - time for internet. Right now, I'm chatting with one guitarist...and searching for the other guitarist.. but she's not replying my smses. The other guitarist has to be right back. I need desperate information from the drummer but he's not answering calls. So I'm pretty bored here right now, which is why I'm talking to this stupid blog.

Man, the competition's on the way... I'm getting freaked out. I. Must. Win. Sheesh, gotta chill out. *sits in the fridge* *chills out*

CLASS PARTY!!! 1 KERUING ROCKS!

Wednesday: 31 Oktober 2007.

Last day of the month.

Last day of fun.

We had class party!! Really awesome and fun!! Practically spent the whole day taking pictures! If I see another camera.. I think I'm going to SCREAM!!! *screams anyway...even though i didn't see another cam*

Oh..and we had this really really dumb wasabi seaweed eating competition. Whoever ate the fastest won. And its wasabi. HOT. Show ya the pics.


May I introduce Contestant No. 1!! Navian Lee Viknaswaran!!!!








Meet contestant 2!!! Chan Sin Mun!!



Navian is doing pretty well!! Stuffing the entire thing in his mouth!!









So is Sin Mun! Though she's choking like mad...


Navian chokes!! And Peter forces the seaweed back into his mouth!! HOW DISGUSTING! *chides* Boys..

Sin Mun spits out the seaweed (I don't have a picture of that .. such a pity) and in the end...

WE HAVE A CHAMPION!! Let me present to you! Navian Lee Viknaswaran! He comes out of the ordeal victorious! (and with seaweed on his face haha).

So after that we had this crazy couple photo taking!!! Haha...all of them look so awkward. Not like I blame them.
and well, there's more.. but I rather not post. And my friends know why. Hmph.





1K Boys!!!!


Haha I'm not photogenic...so I'm not posting pictures of me. :P

Gonna miss life at school. Don't ever wanna grow up. That's a fact.

Lalala.

Life at home

I love my life. There's no reason not to. God's there for me and I have stuff in myself that I love. I go to school, come home, play mad hours of piano, go online. Normal life for a normal kid.

Don't get me wrong. I really love my life. I love who I am, and what I live. But sometimes, life just sucks. Well, everyone goes through ups and downs... I guess I just don't take the downs as well as most people do.

Heck, I am who I am and I want to be who I want to be. But there's a matter of family. They don't always say it outright, but relatives seem to always be hinting that my dad wants me to become an economist or business-crap when I grow up and get through bloody Uni! HELL WITH THAT! I'm have to fight with my dad to choose the path of my life!? Holy chickens I'm only 13 and I've gotta worry about the future ALREADY! And SO, I confide in my mum..and she gives me lectures on how my choice in life does not bring money about and I won't be able to make a living on it! HECK HECK HECK!! I need my family to support me... not tell me what I should be doing and what I shouldn't! Advice is appreciated but support me in my decisions! Okay?

I know I don't live up to your expectations and stuff and I'm not as good as my sister ... but whatever.

I like my life the way it is. I like what I want to be. I like my dreams. I like someone. And most of all, I like myself the way I am.

Isn't that good enough for you, dad? Mum?

Cuz that's all that matters to me.

Life at school

Studies.

That's what school is about isn't it?

Friends.

Second factor in school.

But to me, its the first factor. I have awesome friends with awesome personalities. Besties, best friends, call them whatever you like. But you see, most friends are only there for you when you're fun. When you're in trouble, do they really care? When you're down and sad, do they want to hang around with you? When you need time to yourself when you're going through turmoil, do they stay there with you? No, my friends don't. They call me boring, right in my face, then stalk of to find someone else. So I read... like a nerd, just read and drown myself in books.. to cancel out whatever trouble life gives a thirteen year old student.

Friends are never truly there for you. They can say whatever they like, give you hope, say they will be there through the ups and downs. but in the end, can you really count on any of them? Friends can be fun. But only when they think you're fun. Or else, they stalk off.

Friends can be mean, nasty. They can hurt you when you least expect it. Once in a while, it hurts so much that sometimes I just sit for hours thinking about it. I read books... any type. Most of them talk about friendship, how when you hurt another hurts as well.

That's all crap. Other people can never feel the pain like YOU yourself do.

But God is there for me. So I trust in him. When friends are fun, I hang with them. When they reject me, I turn away as well. I don't let them walk over me. I don't let them do anything. I try to keep silent when they taunt or mock me.

And I listen to God.

And I tune out of everything else.

STUPID TAG!!

I'm going to die of tags already! So many of them!

The Rules:

1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.

2. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.

3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog (about their eight things) and post these rules. (**if you’re a non-blogger, you can email them!)

4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Here we go

RANDOM FACT 1: I'm a nerd and i'm not afraid to admit it! Face that! I read 24/7! I'm a full time nerd! I do nothing else but read! You should never ever bring up the subject of books in front of me 'cause I'll either scream with joy and die on the spot or I'll never let the topic die! So, random fact 1 = I'm a nerd. (and I'm happy about it :P)CHEERS FOR NERDINESS!!

RAMDOM FACT 2: I'm weird. So far, only two friends has called me weird, but in time to come, my weirdness shall be known to the world!! Hmm, yes I am VERY weird. I love leeches. I hate ice cream. I like AAA batteries. I despise the color pink. I adore teddy bears. I dislike taking photos of myself. I like the number "4". I admire...I don't like...I like..I hate. The list goes on. So yes, random fact 2, i AM very weird.

RANDOM FACT 3: I'm mad about music. Its the only sane thing that keeps me from falling into nerdiness and drowning in weirdness! Music rocks! I wanna learn the guitar! The flute! Cello! Bass! Violin! Those chinese traditional instruments! Oh the bliss... but of course.. I can't learn them all. Just gotta make do with drums and piano. Rather sad, don't you think? Random fact 3: Music controls me

RANDOM FACT 4: Friends and chocolate goes together! When there's friends around... there must be chocolate as well! When there's chocolate... its time to call friends around! Point is = chocolate and friends are like books and music. Nevermind, i don't think you quite get the point...

RANDOM FACT 5: I HATE China toilets! Imagine the worst public toilet in Malaysia! Then think of it as 500.. no wait, 600... no, no... 1000 times dirtier and you've gotten the image of a toilet.. in China. And I had to endure them for a week! Stinking vacation!

RANDOM FACT 6: I love performing on stage (Piano/singing or.. uh acting?)! I know, i know, most people say they're scared ... nervous... afraid of the spotlight on them... but isn't that the fun part? Where you're feeling so scared of messing up that you're numb! And its best when you're feeling unconfident! Adds to the pressure and fun! Imagine the rush of adrenaline and the spotlight glaring in your face!! The cheers of the crowd...yes yes, its true, I want to be a singer when I grow up.. but fat chance... not when I'm Asian...

RANDOM FACT 7: I am a very "whatever" girl. I hate makeup (very weird for a girl eh?), I don't care how I look like (Yes, I am NOT like those girls who spent every five minutes brushing their hair and preening their nails), I'm not fashion conscious - I don't care about what I'm wearing (as long as I'm wearing something!), I don't give a damn about what boys think of me (Unlike some girls who spent every moment worrying about what boys will say), I hate it when there's formal dinners, cuz I have to dress up "and be classy" .. to quote my mum (I want to be myself and I can't! Not when I'm looking like a doll), I can't keep still (I'm always fiddling or twitcing around. Its called HYPER) and finally, I hate it when parents friends call me pretty or cute. BECAUSE I'M NOT!! They can stuff their remarks which they say without meaning it!!!! STUFF IT!

RANDOM FACT 8: I love my class - 1 Keruing! The people there all rock! Such great times we had together... teamwork, friendship, class coordination! Its such a pity the year's almost over... and then we'll be broken up again. In all my 7 years of studying.. I think the year that left its deepest mark would be this year! Sigh. The memories...

Now who shall I tag? Hmm I'm breaking rule 4 and 5.

1. Jaime
2. Jeff
3. Yu Kit
4. Rachel
5. Kristy?
6. Peter?
7. Problem is ... I don't know anyone who has blogs that hasn't been tagged!
8. Any freaking human ok? OK??? OKAY??!!!

*slams the door*

TAGGED!!

I got tagged!! First time i got tagged!!

1.The person who tagged you is-
Sara! The Mean Girl!

2. Your relationship with him/her is-
Friends! We were married! But then she divorced me! jkjk....

3. 5 impressions you have of him/her;-
Smart, sharp, cute, cool...uhh mean?

4.If he/she becomes your lover, you will?-
What kind of a question is this? She becomes my lover?

5. If he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be-
I already said she's not my lover and will never be!!! I'm straight ok? No lesbian stuff!!!

6. If he/she becomes your enemy, you will-
Ignore her... duh...

7. If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be-
I spoiled her Bartimaeus book and stole her cookies?

8. The most desirable thing you want to do for her now is-
Set her up with Joshua

9. Your overall impression of him/her is-
One of my best friends.

10. How you think people around you will feel about you-
Quiet, sarcastic, quick to laughter

11. characteristics you love about yourself is-
How I never have fake modesty and my weirdness

12. characteristics you hate about yourself is-
My ego swells all the time!!!!

13. The most ideal person you want to be is-
Myself!! God created me this way... I have no complains.. I just wanna be myself.

14. Say something to ppl who have always cared & love you-
You guys just rock! I can't express these stuff in words...

15. Name 10 other people you're thinking of now.

1. Pauline
2. Navian
3. Yu Kit
4. Christie
5. Xiao Ran
6. Sin Mun
7. Sara
8. Graham
9. Nishanth
10. Jaime (My sister :P)

16..Who is no. 8 having a relationship with?-
Dude, he lives in Canada! How would I know???

17.Is no. 9 a male or female?
MALE... duh!!!

18. If no. 7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing? Depends... on the word "together". If you mean that kind of "together" Then NO, its not a good thing

19. Where is no. 2 studying?
1 Keruing, SMKSBS, Malaysia, Earth, Universe

20. When was the last time you had a chat with no. 3?-
I don't know... a few minutes ago?

21. What kind of music does no. 8 like-
Rock... he hates rap.

22. Will you woo no. 3-
Are you sane?? What kind of questions are these!!??

23. How about no. 7?
NO

24. Is no. 5 single?-
No, she's taken already... by No. 2...

25. What's the hobby of no. 4?-
Reading!!

26. Does no. 5 and 9 get along well?-
I don't think so... they've only talked once I think...

27. Where is no. 5 studying at?
1 Meranti, SMKSBS, Malaysia, Asia, Earth, Galaxy, Universe

28. Say something casual about no.1
She's a Pig Princess. Casual enough?

29. Have you tried developing feelings for no. 8?
ARE YOU MAD??? DEVELOPING FEELINGS FOR NO. 8? HECK NO!!!!!!!!

30. What's the surname of no. 5?
Kok...

31. Where does no. 9 live?
Singapore... in Bishan or something like that ...I think...

32. Are no. 5 and no. 1 best friends?
No...They're just friends...

33. Does no. 7 like no. 2?
Do I look like I'm no. 7? How would I know??!

34. How did you get to know no. 2?
Same school since standard 3

35. Does no. 1 have any pets?
Yeah..she has these scary dogs...who always bark like mad when I'm around. They hate me. I'm scared of them.

36. Is no. 7 the sexiest person in the world?
Who's no. 7? Sara? She's mean, ..yeah..a little sexy..

10 people to do this quiz!

1. Sara

2. Kristy

3. Nish

4. Yu Kit

5. Peter

6. Whoever

7. Look... anyone..ok?

8. I don't know! whoever who wants to!!

9. Um...ahhh ahh Kristy's sister! Rachel!!

10. WHOEVER WHO WANTS TO DO IT OK?? I"LL TAG EVERYONE WHO READS THIS!!!

Holiday highlights

Had a really fun day today... one of the best in a while; hanging out in Times Square, watching this awesome movie.... rocking the arcade. Spending money... and eating sushi (big highlight!!) In fact.. wanted to go bowling, but didn't know how to bowl so just gave it a miss. There were SO MANY people there...i wouldn't wanna embarrass myself would i?

Had a BIG BIG realisation as well! Guess what? It took me 13 years to figure out that best friends are best friends because they love you, have fun with you, are there for you, cry for you, laugh with you and BLACKMAIL/TEASE you ALL THE TIME. You can't call a friend a bestie unless they tease you. Now, isn't that a little weird?

So anyway, back to the awesome day... had a LOT of humiliating moments... and hopefully these "best friends" dont' spill any beans. really, i can go on and on about today. But for now.... a warm bed calls...and i'm tired out. So ... for now.....

Look here, if one day I told you...



Dude, you gonna have to wear an ORANGE tie from monday to friday...



are you gonna cheer and celebrate or are you gonna chuck a grapefruit at me and tell me to get lost?



Wait, you don't have to answer that... i'll just answer it for you! You're gonna chuck a grapefruit AND a flowerpot at me! I mean, come on, an ORANGE TIE with a blue school uniform! How HIDEOUS is that! And my school wants to have new orange ties! More money... more ugly!! Have I ever said that my school's STUPID? No? Well now i have. Stupid school...

Yay me!!

Yayaya me!

The best thing is...

I finally got what I wanted!! Drum lessons! This really rocks!And seeing the old cello sitting there growing old, I'm taking up cello as well. Tough, having four instruments.

Second best thing is... its confirmed!! I AM going to New York during the holidays! And might drop by at Canada, the West Coast and East Coast. So whoever's going as well eh, what a coincidence.

Third best thing = no exams anymore! Now all I have to do is worry bout the results...

*worries*

Whoa, forgot to mention! Saturday's perfomance KILLS! Won the singing competition and had to perform in front of what? 100 people? more? Meh, I don't know. Adrenaline still here whenever I think of it.

Am still half sick with crazy joy and excitement. Would describe in detail what happened but am trying to be modest and calm my swollen ego. Yeah I admit. I'm boasting a lot lately...gotta calm down. :P

Should turn to more sober subjects ... like. ..for example...um, reading! Yeah! Just finished reading the 6 books I got for my birthday (seriously, people do really think I'm a nerd. Everyone got me novels)

BTW, Did you know I failed Math? And Science?

Life at school is enlightening.

Whatever enlightening meant.

Finally! New blog! So bored with the old one that I even forgot the html. When was the last time I posted on there anyway? 2 years? 3? :S Sigh, hectic day, busy life, man, I just want to hide under the covers and never come out again. I'm 100% sure I failed Math ... no wait, 101% sure.

So lame.

Had to deal with exams yesterday and the day before that AND today. Gotta handle tomorrow's tests as well. And we have Science on Saturday. Yoohoo, what fun.

What a lack of enthusiasm.

Exams means I'm not suppose to be online...which I am.

So....

*dies*