Trinity.

Three things.

One.
After a 4 month hiatus, I'm finally went back to one of the places I thought I didn't miss, but actually did. A lot.

I missed the people.
I missed the laughter.
I missed you...especially you.
But most importantly, I missed remembering what it was like after I forgot.

I thought I remembered, but in truth, I'd forgotten what it was like to just serve You because I want to.

Now that I remember again, I will never forget. Ever. Pinky promise. =) Help me keep that promise, okay?

That aside.

Two.
It was mummy's birthday today and we went for Japanese buffet...again. I swear, for the past few weeks, I've been overloading on food. My poor abused gut. =(

Oh, and here's the first thing my bro said to me when he saw me at dinner.

Bro: Why are you sporting that dark, black look?
Me: Excuse me?
Bro: You look like those dark, mysterious chicks. All in black. =.="
Me: The way I look is parallel to the way I feel.
Bro: So what are you depressed about now? Studies or guys?
Me: Hello??? =.="

I have the best siblings in the world. =.="
For your info, I was wearing black and white. And eyeliner, just for kicks. But how does that turn me into dark and mysterious? I wear black all the time. O.o Hmm.

Three.
So many things are happening in life right now. So, so, so many things. Its as close to perfection as it'll ever get, I suppose. Everything is falling into place, not perfectly, but just the way it should be.

And yet why do I still feel this way?

I guess I already know, but I just don't want to admit it to myself.

Because facing the truth doesn't always lead you to enlightenment. It just buries you deeper in that hole of dirt and pain.

So you don't leave me a choice. Too bad for me then.

~Smartee

P.S. Terribly Nice, I was reading through our old messages awhile ago. And I can't help but feel so happy when you're so protective of me. When you defend me without even knowing the whole story. When you called the other person a bitch just because she made me unhappy. Just because I'm your friend. Thank you. =) 

P.P.S. Don't you worry your pretty little mind 'cause people throw rocks at things that shine.

And life makes love look hard.


P.P.P.S. Inhale. I'm not okay, but I will be. Exhale.

Paperback

Times bookshop had a book sale in Fahrenheit today. =)

And I saw so many books that I very, very desperately wanted to read. =(  John Grisham, Darren Shan, Stephanie Meyer, Sidney Sheldon... especially Sidney Sheldon. Never forget Sidney Sheldon.

Unfortunately, my last name is neither Waldorf or Van der Woodsen, so I was reduced to a self-inflicted less-than-hundred budget.

Had to pick up a couple of Jeffrey Archer's books though. Just couldn't resist their covers. Always judge a book by its cover. =)

---------------------------------------------

Exams aren't over, but I'm declaring holiday already. Too bad, chemistry. How does abandonment feel?
Woke up at 2...pm today. =O Sleep is really the best thing in the world. T.T

Tomorrow's mummy's birthday. I still haven't thought of what to buy. Such a terrible daughter. =(

~Smarteepants

P.S. I haven't been in a cinema for nearly...1..2..3..4..5...5 months! =O  No social life. T.T  No social life at all.

P.P.S. Dying to watch Tron.

P.P.P.S. And Sucker Punch.

P.P.P.P.S. Mummy's making me cash up now for the eighty bucks I spent today. =.="

Brain like mine.

Name: Vicki Lee
Birth date: 3rd July 1994
Death date: 23rd February 2011


Hello, add math.

Goodbye, world.

Scent of fear.

Okay I'm not suppose to be here, but just a quick thought.

Do scented candles keep you awake or help you sleep?

'Cause on one hand, I'm feeling extremely sleepy, but on the other hand, my eyes won't stay closed.

Wild goose chase

Exams are taking the life out of me, and we're not even into the real exam week. T_T

It feels like the calm before the storm. Saturdays and Sundays are so deceiving, sigh.

Ohh, yesterday was so fun. T_T After draining all my non-existent skills to convince two teachers - two, not one, but two T_T - to let me skip music club, I had to run all the way to the 4th floor to look for my IU day duet partner who is extremely good at disappearing at the wrong times. And apparently Ivan was looking for him also. So he went solo hunting while I stupidly walked right into my music club teacher who then started rambling non-stop on the club activities and asked me to pass a message to Pearly.

So I had to go all the way back to the music club meeting place and deliver Her Majesty's instructions where thank God I found Ben but then he was suppose to meet Ivan so he went upstairs searching and I went downstairs where I met...Ivan and then we went looking for Ben upstairs again but couldn't find him so we went downstairs and...

Well, basically, the 3 of us were running around like idiots looking for each other. I wonder if God was looking down and laughing while watching us miss each other by seconds.

Anyway, that aside.

I realised that... I write alot of crap on my blog. Like, literal crap that doesn't even make sense some times.

Its a blog, I should write more about my life, right? =.="

So, lately, its like... sudden enlightenment. On.. alot of things.

And I finally figured out something I've been feeling for the past few years. That feeling of... unsatisfaction, as if there's always something that is missing. As though that perfect life is within my reach, but its time just hasn't come.

Maybe its 'cause I've just been waiting for all my problems to... I don't know, go away...evaporate... disappear.

But I guess they're never really going to.

Some days are great, but no matter how things turn out, there's always...always gonna be something unpleasant, whether its too small to be significant or world-ending painfully huge.

So maybe I should just stop waiting and start doing stuff I wanna do. Then maybe I won't feel so unsatisfied, as though something's hanging in the air by a thread.


Seeeee... I'm not making sense again.

I'm just gonna leave before I say something here that I'll really regret later when I'm sober.

~V

P.S. I spent the whole of yesterday doing  nonsensical stuff when I was suppose to be studying for math.

So you can imagine how relieved I was when I could actually answer the paper. Phew.

Delusional.

Let's just cut straight to the point.

I was sick on the day before exam. How awesome is that?

And on the day of the much-hated exam, which also happened to be V-day (although it felt more like D-day), I was twice as sick.

I swear, during the Physics paper, the words just started floating right off the page.

And I had to take of my glasses and stare for a couple of minutes before they stayed put.

AND it just kept happening.

Until I finally freaked out and just decided to give up and screw the entire paper.

BM was a little bit better, but considering circumstances, not by much.

Moving on to happier things, I really shocked Angelo today with a surprise visit with a surprise. Really, really zapped  him.

His face was epic.

~V

P.S. I'm really delusional sometimes. =)

Wake up.

So exams are next week. Yay. Joy. Clap clap.

And what was I doing today?

Let's see, first I pretended to study in the morning.

Then I went shopping with mummy in the afternoon.
Then I went for a dinner party in the evening.
Then I went...and am...online at night.

Screw exams.

Japanese buffet + BBQ is awesome. The kids table... I mean, youth... table... ordered approximately 20 plates of beef. And that was a fraction of what we ate. I'm stuffed. No way I'm getting on the scales anytime within the next few days. Too much excess baggage.

Who wanna teman me go running tomorrow? XD 

Haha, we really gave Angelo hell at dinner. 'Cause I kinda...sort of...purposely stole his girlfriend's number after he threatened to ruin my Facebook life.

Angelo: *on phone with gf* Hey babe, if you receive any calls from numbers starting with 016, 012 or 010, please don't answer! Its my stupid friends being idiots!

Nicole: *laughing to self* I'm 014...

Ashley: Haha, I'm 017.

Vicki: And I'm 019. LOL, we're so not on her hit list. XD

His gf is listed as "My Babe" in his phone contacts. Seriously? =.="  We "babed" him nonstop throughout dinner. =D

We're really so mean. XD

Here's pics from the dinner party.

Yep, little Chloe put that green flower in Angelo's hair.

On both sides, haha.

Playing games. (Nicole won that one. XD)

Gaming freaks. (Ashley won that one XD)

This guy totally rocks my world.

The adults table. =)

The kids, err, teens...and uhh, young adult table. =)

Chloe and her green flowers.

Audrey & Nicole. Its hard to decide who's cuter. =)

Uncle Gary & his lovely wife.

Daddy & mummmy.

Katrina & me. =)

Katrina, me, Angelo & Christopher. Lovely neighbours. =) Except for Angelo. Grr.

Me & Katrina. =)

Me & Christopher. =)

Don't ask. I really have no idea why its sideways. Blogger is really stupid.

Ahhh, I found the perfect prom dress. Now if only I'm skinny enough. T_T

Lets go running tomorrow. Burning calories is GOOD.

I'm gonna smile - or pretend to smile - 'cause I deserve to. =)



I just realised I haven't uploaded Bangkok pictures here. And I probably won't...so, here's a few.

I just realised...

...that I really love photography.

Even though I'm not so good at it.

Me & my leng chai cousin. =P

Look at mummy's goofy face. =O

Family photo on some...weird...cruise...that served awesome Thai food.

Daddy, my leng chai cousin's leng lui girlfriend, mummy & my leng chai cousin. =)

Love this photo.

Father & daughter.

Ultra large durians. =O They kinda ultra stink too.

Family photo with the household's pet elephant. XD

The pet part was a joke. =.="

Camwhoring while waiting for the plane to take off.

I have the dorkiest mum in the world. =)

Epic failure. Nevermind, inner joke.





I'm off to bed.

~V

P.S. I'm chatting with my mum on Facebook. Like, how abnormal is that? =O

P.P.S. I finished your song. Our song. Its as close as anything to perfection. =)

P.P.P.S. Its not worth faking it if its not real. That's why I don't =) unless I want...or have...to.

P.P.P.P.S. ANGELO, YOU WATCH OUT. Upload any weird pictures of me on Facebook and I'll call your "My Babe"! =O

Its over.

I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it!

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?


I hate it.

I can't believe my resolve broke so fast.

I hate you for it.

Sing it out loud.

If you're feeling low, write a song about it.
If you're telling people you're okay when you're actually not, write a song about it.
If you're trying so desperately to seal the cracks that appear out of nowhere, write a song about it.
If you're remembering what it was like before you grew up, write a song about it.
If you don't care anymore, write a song about it.
If you hate it, write a song about it.
If you need anything, write a song about it.

Just do that, Vicki, and don't do anything else.

~V

P.S. Dear God,

Is this another test? If it is, can you hold it off for a while?

I have plenty of tests for the next two weeks and I really don't need the distraction now.

Or maybe I do. Well, who am I to know?

But thanks anyway, for the perfect timing.

And sorry for the sarcasm.

Amen.


I trust You.

IU Auditions (Part II)

I got in! I got in!!!


We got in!



I know you're not surprised.

But I am. Kinda. A little bit. =O

Claudia's stupid story.

Just a few more days. I just need a few more days.

Is that too much to ask for?



Obviously it is, 'cause there's no way I'm getting those few days.

~V

P.S. Stressed to the max.

P.P.S. If this keeps up, I'll be visiting the self-help section in Times bookstore soon.

P.P.P.S. I totally rock.

You're gonna wish it was... me.

Okay, before I blog about my Bangkok trip, there's just a couple of things I need to get out of my system.

Number one.

Am I always to be that person?

I hate being misunderstood as someone I'm not... and this isn't the first time its happening. Being someone who is always insecure about who she is, I totally understand how these people feel. But after so many years, you'd think they wouldn't have trust issues anymore.


Number two.

I can hardly hold these feelings inside anymore.
Sometimes it feels like my heart will overflow.
And the worst part is not knowing. Its always not knowing.
I need to know.
Either I find out soon, or I just end this with you.

Cuz I can't keep this up. Everything will overflow.

And we'd be left with nothing.


That aside.

Its 4 in the morning. I'm swamped with homework. I'm burnt out from the Bangkok trip. My gastric problems are back. Good to see you too, ouch, damnit.

But.

You're right. I should just... smile.

If only you knew why I couldn't.

Turn the lights on

So, I finally had the time for Paranormal Activity 2.

Truthfully?

It wasn't that scary.

In fact, I still think pretty much nothing...nothing can beat The Ring 2. Right, Christie?

But maybe that's cuz I was watching PA2 on the laptop screen and I had very interesting distractions along the way.

And I kinda freaked out halfway and switched on the lights.

I broke my no-light-while-terrified rule. =(


Anyways, Bangkok kinda sucks. Yeah, shopping is dirt cheap and the food is spicy awesome.

But.

Its more polluted than Malaysia.
The people here can't speak English to save their kid's life.
Its hard to tell the difference between a girl and a ex-guy.
Eg. You see this really pretty salesgirl...and then she turns and talks to you. Its like wtf, you sound like a man. Seriously, didn't they have money to go all the way? (<

I just don't feel safe here.

I'm coming home tomorrow.

Can't wait.

~Smarteepants

P.S. I had a dream.

And in that dream...

... we were friends again.

And then I woke up.

It was just a dream.


P.P.S. The pollution here is really starting to annoy me. I can't breathe.


P.P.P.S One day, I'll drag Leow here.

Yeah, seriously, I will.

No, Leow, no excuses.


P.P.P.P.S I'm totally paranormal-ed.

Goodbye, Malaysia...again.

I'm leaving for Bangkok tomorrow.

Will be back on Saturday.

Gotta go pack now, bye.



P.S. If anyone wants souvenirs, don't even think about it. I have no money.


I'm just kidding.


But seriously.