100th post

Wow. This blog actually listened to me rant 100 times over. *applause*

Bleh, I went to 4 restaurants for dinner today. Food court, McD, Sushi King and some other place I forgot.

I feel like a overloaded truck full of piglets.

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We need to finish the Crossroads Project on schedule.

I think it'll be good to unofficially make Caution: Crossroads Ahead Pauline's sweet 16th birthday present. We have 7 months more to put our plans into action, then.

And I also think it'll be good to dedicate Excuse Me to Kelly and Christie... as an unofficial Christmas present.

And then there's Life Goes On, which is for so many people.

And you know what, I should probably change the title of Wait For Me to Idiot, Leave Me Alone.


¬Smartee Pants

P.S. Sometimes I don't know why I even post rubbish up here. Maybe its because I can think more clearly after blogging, even if I blog about nonsensical stuff.

P.P.S. My humour isn't dying. Its just... going on vacation without me. It'll be back when you're gone.

I really need to explain myself.

For someone whose remarks can really bite, I can be really daft sometimes.

For that alone, I'm a complete idiot. Maybe not complete. 99% perhaps.

Bundarkan that 99%.

Do the math.

So I said I need to explain myself. But not here.

All I can say here is "I'm innocent! I'm innocent!" In the cartoon kind of way.

Haih, this post isn't coming out right at all.

And I'm really sorry. Even if its not my place to say it, but still, I'm sorry.

~Idiot

P.S. I'm sorry God, I know I have no right, but this time I really need to call one of your creations an idiot. I can't help it. That person I see whenever I look into the mirror is really such a...nevermind. Once is enough.

P.P.S. Completely unrelated to the post above: With every bit of truth you reveal, comes a fresh wave of crippling pain.

Pain that makes me want to throw up. Physically throw up. I don't know how long I can suppress this feeling. I need to know. I need to know.

After all..this..time.

I shouldn't be bothered, but I'm praying that this isn't a lie too.

Seremban

Local time: 7.52am

I'm actually a night kind of person. (a.k.a. the-sleep-at-4am-wake-at-12pm-kind-of-person) But lately, I don't know what's gotten into me. I've been actually waking up for breakfast, instead of lunch.

Yesterday, I visited my uncle's house. Its the kind of large, old, house that has a huge driveway and a even bigger garden. I remember as a kid I used to climb the abnormally large mango tree, but I'd never reach the top (because those skinny branches might break while I'm on them =P). Or I'd ride the old bicycle round and round the makeshift trail. (Living in an apartment in the town centre means I'd have to be crazy to ride a bike at home.) Or I'd climb the old treehouse and just...write. That old, dusty, dry place is the perfect writing spot.

Yesterday, I did none of those things. The mango tree was overgrown, the bicycle had a tire puncture, the treehouse had been torn down and it was raining. So I spent part of my day in curled up in the attic, but apparently the attic wasn't as inspiring as the treehouse, so I ended up writing 5 words max. Which means I ended up walking in the garden in the rain. (Yes, Christie, really in the rain) And honestly, I'm so good at walking that it didn't even occupy much of my attention.

So I actually ended up thinking about life for approximately 2-and-a-half-hours.

And I think I might change my mind. Probably I'll never get over my aversion for rain, but maybe some rain... isn't that bad. It reminds me of the swimming pool I abandoned long ago.

I feel like I'm losing myself.

How does that even happen?

~Smartee

P.S. Sara's dad said there are only 6 billion people in this world. Meanwhile, there are 200 billion stars and billions of galaxies in this universe. And compare the size of those stars to us humans. Imagine how small we are.

I couldn't help thinking about how an ant would feel.

P.P.S. I visited my grandmother's grave too. It felt nice chucking rainwater into the vase to keep the flowers fresh, until my mum reminded me of how much Amoeba lives in rainwater. To unnerve her, I rattled off the list of microorganisms I learned from Science.

She told me to stop showing off.

So I told her about cilia and flagella.

My first chakra feels so dead.

I'm really starting to dislike socialising with people I barely know.

Its so energy draining.

And I can't believe I'm sick.

Again. (Sorry, Pau, sorry, sorry, sorry X20)

Haih, have a nice life, Vicki.

~Smartee

Should I laugh or cry?

I'm so disorientated at the moment, I don't even know how to start my post.

What did I do last Thursday? Or Friday?

I remember I helped out a bit at my mum's kindergarten's graduation. And then I went for some movie with Pauline Chen and Richie at Times Square. And I also remember that I wanted to blog about all the stupid things we did there. Like Paupau and Richie squabbling over whether we should take a bus or a taxi to Times Square.

But right now, so much bad news is happening that the events within the past few days are practically obliterated from memory.

I need to sleep...

I need to eat...

I need to do something other than exist...

I need to live...

=(

So this is how it feels to operate on zero sleep for the past 2 days.

Doesn't help that I'm showered with... no, not love, but all sorts of bad news today.

~Seluar Pandai

P.S. How can I say its over, when it never even started?

P.P.S. Pauline summarised the bad news today in the form of "from @#$% to V***** to M* to Y* to B**......@#$($*(@#&$".

P.P.P.S. Can't find the right words...can't find them...

Poisonbox

I had a flu jab on Tuesday. =(

Daddy: Oi.
Me: Yes?
Daddy: Get ready, we're going to the hospital in 15 minutes.
Me: Whyyyy? Who died???
Daddy: ... we're getting a flu injection.
Me: WHAT?!
Daddy: *long lecture about H1N1*
Me: *sticks fingers in ears and shakes head*
Daddy: Cooperate a bit la...its just a needle..
Me: *fingers stuck in ears* lalalalala~
Daddy: ...won't even hurt...
Me: *fingers stuck in ears* lalalalalala~
Daddy: ...at the most, just a small prick...
Me: *fingers stuck in ears* LALALALALA~
Daddy: Okay, lets go.
Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Daddy: Faster, faster, go change!
Me: *bursts into tears and wails like a baby*

I skipped school from Monday to Tuesday. As in Monday last week till Tuesday this week. And right now, I don't regret it. Because I came to school on Wednesday this week... and well, it was a waste of time. Who taught us that masa itu emas? And who's wasting post pmr students' time? Sheesh.

I think I was pretty much a nuisance on Wednesday.

"Did you miss me? Huh? I know you missed me. Did ya? Did ya?" I irritated my friends a lot with this.

And guess what we did on Wednesday. Attempted to cook food over open fires and played poisonbox. Can things get any lamer? We played Poisonbox, for crying out loud.

~Smartee

You gotta wake up and see things,

The way that they are and not what you're thinking,

No matter how far, you'll be in my heart,

But not the way that you're wishing.

And if we were meant to be

You gotta back off baby,

I can't pretend I wanna be your one and only,

If you wanna change my mind,

You gotta give me a little time,

You gotta back off baby,
You gotta wait for, wait for me.

This song is... for you.