This. Is. Freaking. ME. Out.

Me! its freaking ME out! And I NEVER freak out. At least... not to the point where I'm so blur I dunno what to do.

SHE is SO smart. Suka-suka tak nak talk to me in school. I still remember the last thing I said to her. "Wei...don't fight with Joey anymore la. Just get over it and be friends again la...pls...". AND THEN...after that she started ignoring me. For FOUR DAYS. FOUR! This is dastardly unbelievably incredibly stupid.

And guess what happened next? She SMSED me bout something that we were talking about before she started this I-like-to-ignore-vicki-just-for-the-fun-of- it game. LIKE SHE EXPECTED ME TO REPLY.

AND GUESS WHAT? I AM SO UNBELIVABLY MAD RIGHT NOW. So SHE can stop talking and start talking to me WHENEVER SHE LIKES. AND I JUST HAVE TO TAG ALONG??!!??

Well i'm SORRY (snickers) but NO. You-can-find-someone-else-I'm-sick-of-playing-games-with-you-and-your-selfish-soul-and-at-this-moment-i'm-feeling-very-mean. I'm SICK of having to WORK SO HARD to keep this BLOODY FRIENDSHIP when half of all you do when we talk is COMPLAIN about ME not PAYING YOU ENOUGH ATTENTION. Just in case you didn't realise, maybe friendship is a two way thing?! UGH.


*half an hour later*

And that was suppose to be the end of the post..but for some reason, I just couldn't post it. Why? Because I opened up My Documents...and the first thing that caught my eye was the file of the song I wrote using Ben's bass. And of course...everytime I sing that song it just overwhelms me...so obviously I opened that file...skimmed my eyes over the lyrics.

UGH. Now I feel so bad that half an hour ago I had ranted out the first half of this post...all negative feelings about her. And I just feel so bad...but I don't want to delete the first half of this post either...because that was really what I felt about her. Frustration. Anger. Ugh-ness. Most of all, confusion. And alot of anger. And that's the last thing I need to feel.

Sigh...

I don't deserve you, Lord
I don't fool you, look, what it took
All the years I could have known you but I didn't want to
But I could sing to you all my days
Write out phrases of praise
All creation someday will fall to you
And they'll know they don't deserve you

No relation to what I ranted, really. But it just depicts my life and the last thing I wanna do is hate someone. Sigh. Haih.

I've been doing alot of that lately. Sigh. haih. HAIH. SIGH>

See what i mean?

~Seluar Pandai.. you should be glad i didn't say seluar dalam pandai

Random things

As usual...I have a million things to say...so there's no point posting a topic. I ALWAYS stray. So first things first, I've never felt this stressed. Drowned. Suffocated. Pressured. Take your pick.

Anyway, lets start with last saturday. Semi finals of that competition was at 2.30pm..I came early, but they rescheduled it early, so I played early. But I got into the finals. Yay :D I didn't expect to though, probably cuz I made 114499 mistakes. Then rushed to church, zoomed in at 3.55pm. Seriously, I love to rush...its fun moving all the time. That way, you never have time to think about your problems. You can't do a thing other than REACT. Don't I love talking half explained gibberish.

Sunday, I served at church...it made me..happy. Teen class made me...happier, because everything's just...unexplainably right.

Monday, I flunked through school...slept through all my classes as usual, fought with my friends, made up with them, fought more, tried to force Nav to pay up his debt...unsuccessfuly, searched 2 floors 4 times for Peter (because Joey wanted to give him his bday pressie), complained to everyone about everything, and school ended. Stayed back for jamming with Kelly, Christie, Kristy and Mr Goh Sheng An...for the first time, Mr Goh didn't "fong fei kei".

Recorded the song acapella on Christie's MP3, its sound quality is amazing. Christie left. Then Kristy. Then Kelly had to leave..so I teman her to front gate, chit chat until she left...then went back to class where we were jamming, only to find it invaded by guys. Oh, and Wen Hao was there. Except that I didn't know it was Wen Hao...until he left, then i asked TC "who's that fella?" and he was like "wen hao?" ...forget my reaction.

Messed around with Ben's bass...tried to write a song using it. Succeeded. Go on, i'm waiting for your compliment. Cheh...i'm so lame. Messed more with ben's bass while he stared at the ceiling, decided to 'tune' it. Played "guess the note" games with ben using the bass. I know. Lame.

Went home. Edited the song.

Tuesday/today...lost my patience with one friends...lost my temper with another two. I'm furious nowsadays. Maybe its cuz i'm always bertolak-ansuring with everyone: I'M SICK OF IT. Came home to find an email with the recording of the acapella song Christie sent. I sounded SO BAD in the recording...but the ending was funny. Right, kelly?

Now...just taken a bath, am suppose to be doing homework, but i"m feeling so burnt out. I can't keep up with the pace of life = bad time management. DIdn't practice piano today. Didn't bang drums. Haven't chosen the song I wanna sing on Saturday's guest performance. Havn'et practiced my competition song. haven't finished homework. Haven't finished blogging.

Finished, actually. *yawn*

I msn-ed with someone who made me happy :D. I'm not stressed anymore XD

~Aku Punya Nama Ialah Seluar Pandai? Nevermind, english is fine...smart pants...

When I came out of that bloody dark hole...

... also known as my mum's womb.

ick. disgusting.

One more hour to my birthday...and why the heck do I feel so glum?

I ought to be doing my head off homework...flexing my finger muscles hard on the pen....not relaxing them here but typing on this silly comp.

Back to the question. Why do I feel so upset. Its an hour to my birthday! Why am I so...down?

Blast that. Lets divert. I know two guys. At least, I thought I knew them. Now I feel like I don't know one of them. Like he's a total stranger. Last time he used to be really cool...but now its just drab. Its just weird. He's...different.

And the other guy...is just pure amazing. From an obnoxious lil kid...practically overnight transformed into an awesome great guy. LITERALLY. He's freaking annoying last time. I HATED him. But now its like, ..oh forget it, I can't explain. I don't know what to make of my life...why does things have to be so confusing? Oh..and..I DO NOT have a crush, just telling people before they start speculating. Its just that I just suddenly thought of these two people and how things could be so confusing about them.

Another happy thing that happened lately is...nothing actually...I just wrote a new song...*yawn* and its nothing new, except that I really really put alot of thought and heart into it. I took days to write the first 4 drafts (yes, you saw that...I said FOUR drafts) ...and the finally perfected it by rewriting it within 5 minutes. Total new version. Kinda silly, no? Tried it out on the piano, but it sounds wayy off rubbish. I need a guitar with this...ada orang nak volunteer ke tak?

And ANOTHER happy thing is...I FINALLY GOT BACK INTO WRITING AGAIN. Started 3 new stories...and almost completed one of my old ones. :D Dedicated, no? ...well, not really.

And (yes, and again) today...a few minutes ago actually, someone somewhat shared a teeny bit of his experience with God with me. I hear people talk about how great God is all the time... and it never fails to amaze me how He can touch so many lives. All the people out there who have been baptised with fire, should know what I mean.

And lastly...back to homework...goodbye for now.

~My Name Is ... Smart Pants. Yes, That's My Name.