The last one.

The last one went this morning. She was my last and final...and she left this morning. One died when I was 6, another when i was 9 years. The other one, i never knew him. Now her, the final one, was gone. I never knew one, and I lost three.

The phone call came in at 9.30..I was still sleeping when my mum shook me awake and broke the news to me. It was kinda hard to comprehend what she was saying at first...and even up till now, 10 hours later, i don't think i still can accept the fact.

We drove over almost immediately...and even as we reached, extension tents were already being set up. I saw the body, yellow and cramped in with death. None of my cousins were there...except for the youngest...a mere 7 year old. I was on the verge of crying...but I didn't...at least, not until I was alone with my cousin. I knew that everyone else viewed me as this stoic, cold, expressionless girl who never really said anything, just keeping quiet all the time, never really cared. So I wasn't about to start bawling right in front of aunty uncle from all four corners of the globe.

Later, I met my 7 year old cousin in an empty room...and i just listened as she sobbed her heart out. I cried too, but all the more i hated myself. I never truly had any affection for her...she was not part of my life. I cried simply because of the fact that she was gone, and I had lost all of them now. I cried because I no longer had any in my life. I cried for my selfish reasons, not for her death. And I hate myself for it.

My grandmother would be cremated on this coming Monday. I wish I could say I missed her, but I won't...because I don't. Right, so you guys are probably thinking i'm this emotionless self centered bitch, and maybe you're right, but i never really knew her. Her death...would not...could not affect me. And then friends started calling...and i had to go all "my grandma passed away, this that this that."

Bridget was right. It felt wrong to say "passed away." Saying the word "died" would have made me felt better, closer to reality. Bridget was absolutely right.

Turning to happier matters, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Navian Lee Viknas, enjoy monday. I bought the shirt, please don't wash it. I'm regretting I can't come on monday.

or maybe i can.

Hmm.

Starting over

I guess I kinda surprised myself...seeing how much I miss that lousy school and all during last year's long holidays. It feels like such a relief to be back in school...but darn..having to wake up at 5 in the morning. That's the lousiest part of school. Why must we have 24 hours in a day?! Why not 60 hours!??

2K...was surprisingly very...uh, um, strange, i guess...with amelia and the whatnot there. Yeah..halfway through lessons, amelia would suddenly burst into the phantom song, loud enough for the whole class to hear, then she'll start complimenting herself on..

"My singing is the best in the world!"

And so on so forth.


Oh yea, yesterday...i went down swimming again...after nearly months of inactivity with the swimming pool downstairs. It just felt so great...diving through the cloudy (yeah, the pool was kinda dirty) water...despite the fact that it was dirty. My dad has been saying i should bo down for quite long already...i think what he meant was I must go down.

Timed my freestyle ...50 metres... and...and...damn, i hated it... can't believe how much i've detiorated ...regressed...or however you spell the stupid word. I SWEAR i'm gonna built up my speed again. Pfft...37 seconds 50m...what an insult. PFFT. I'm so angry with myself.

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT.

Hmph.

First day of school

I absolutely hate it. Got sick yesterday like mad, so I was tired and sleepy the whole day, not to mention everyone else was just about throwing tantrums. Pfft, i really miss 1K, and I WANT IT BACK. But of course, that's not possible. Which makes me "pfft" even more.

Being in an all girl class was rather strange, no more Sanjiyven and Peter to make their silly (incredibly stupid) jokes, no more Navian to chatter (Uh, bully) nonstop with.

And no more Pauline.

And Sin Mun.

And Sara.

And .....

And.....
And.

Haih, I caused Fahimah a lot of woe, nominated her to be penolong kelas XD she was mad at me the whole day. XDXD Then, teacher from last year's choir (forgot her name) suddenly came in, asked to see me, asked me whether I wanted to join dunno-what-kementerian-uji-bakat-talent-show-crappy-rubbish. With Pauline. XD. Alright, maybe its not crappy rubbish, but still. And of COURSE I HAD to agree. Even though I'm sick like mad and I can't sing to save my life. Right now anyway.

Haih, life in 2K is strange and weird, and I really really dislike it. Bring me back to thirteen. Sigh.

~Smartee

P.S. I'm chatting with peter now. He's practically BEGGING to become backup singer on the uji bakat crap. *laughs like a maniac*