Slow Me Down

I slipped into Form 3 easily. I wake at 5.30am effortlessly...almost. I pay attention in class...as long as its not The Mole's class. I do homework...most of it. I work on Math...sort of. I practice piano...somewhat. Somewhere between last year and this year, the awkwardness between me and Yu Kit faded...kinda.

Everything was almost mechanical.

Things weren't soulless, it was just indifferent. I tried asking friends about stuff, just to see if it might spark some interest. It doesn't. I don't care who fights with who. I don't care who's dating who. I don't care who has a crush on who. I don't care who's hair got skewered by whatever teacher. I don't care which Form 5 hottie got a new girl. I don't care if she's way more talented than me. I don't care if you don't care. I just wish I cared.

The times I feel alive is at band practices. But when they leave, so do I. I don't even talk much at home.

Things are moving way too fast for me. Last week it was Std. 1, meeting Kelly for the first time. Yesterday it was Std. 5, flipping through Xietin's fashion book. This morning it was Form 1, catching sight of Yu Kit reading Artemis Fowl at recess. Now its Form 3, PMR year. Tomorrow its SPM. Day after is college. Next week I'd be working. Next month, I'd be married and would have to deal with bills and kids. Then I'd grow old and die. And I'd meet God. And most probably go to hell.

Geez I gotta stop this negativity. Being indifferent is bad enough without the pessimistic stuff. I gotta change this indifference.

Time is moving too fast. Its the only thing I care about right now.

~Smartee

P.S. Anger is a prominent emotion. Everyday, you make me more and more angry. You treat me, like I'm junior to you, your sidekick who is so inferior to you, like I'm incapable of doing anything, like I'm incapable of remembering anything, like I'm a toddler who needs you to speak to me with that cute pouty puppish baby voice.

I despise you for it. Maybe one day I might explode and tell you word for word why I am a thousand times worth you and your stinking cute face.

But you know I would never do that. Because I value our friendship too much.